Love Is Always Better
by WizMonCruWil
Summary: "It should have been morbid, for Rey to take to her bed every night wearing her love's death shroud as her nightgown. She didn't see it that way. To her mind, the practice was deeply romantic, faithful... and comforting, as much as it could be." The first chapter is set in between the trio hug and the lightsaber burial scenes. Second set five years after. Please, read, and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Grieving Widow

**Chapter 1: Grieving Widow**

It should have been morbid, for Rey to take to her bed every night wearing her love's death shroud as her nightgown. She didn't see it that way. To her mind, the practice was deeply romantic, faithful... and comforting, as much as it could be.

It was also rote, a routine that had kept her anchored to the jungle earth of Ajan Kloss despite her heart's yearning desire to reclaim that peace she had felt on Exogol. That peace of floating away. To know that peace, which surged all the more stronger when she knew who might be waiting for her on the other side.

_Stop_, Rey told herself, her eyes shimmering with tears. _Don't think about it_. But too late. She had to think about it, had thought about nothing else for the last week. Since she had woken up in Ben Solo's embrace, radiantly beamed at him. Since she had kissed him, and he had kissed her back, the pair finally together for one, perfect, shining moment.

A moment that had ended when Ben had died and faded away while cradled in her arms. All that had been left behind were the black clothes he had worn. The threadbare sweater that had a hole in it, which probably would have rested somewhere around Ben's stomach; on Rey, it fell at her waist. The baggy, drawstring pants, cinched in on Rey's bony hips as far as they would go - she had thought about getting a belt. The cowl that completed the ensemble, a cowl that she had once demanded he put on when she and their Force Bond had caught him shirtless. For Rey, it was the perfect comfort blanket.

Finished dressing for bed, Rey bunched up the black fabric of the sweater and held it up to her nose. Her Ben's sweet smell was still there, but beginning to fade as it had mixed with her own these past seven nights. Rey was deeply hesitant to launder it, and vowed that she would only do so on that tragic day when she could no longer inhale his sweet smell.

Glancing back to the metal hull wall of the ship, Rey plucked a piece of chalk from her bedside table. Six little tick marks had been etched into the surface, and she now added a seventh, carefully wiping any errant chalk dust away from the mark. The act reminded her of how she would keep count waiting for her parents, and it was all at once painful and soothing. Next to the seven tick marks, in chicken-scratch handwriting were the words DAYS WITHOUT MY BEN.

Rey now turned to the mirror at her vanity. Taking a seat, she picked up the comb - a victory gift from Rose - and began brushing her long, chestnut tresses. It had hung long, during her training with Luke, and recalling that relatively happier time - when she had begun to fall in love - she had released her curls from its buns soon after the final fighting. The vanity itself had been rustled up by Poe and Finn, though their friend's request had confused them. They had never viewed Rey as being a girly-girl, but nevertheless, it had taken the strength of both men to wrestle the furniture piece into the captain's quarters onboard the _Falcon_. She was grateful for them, and it. Once again, the vanity and its simple mirror contributed to Rey's bedtime routine, giving her a sense of normalcy.

But also a sense of fantasy, Rey found, though she might be reticent to admit it. Focusing on the reflection of her bed in the mirror's pane, the brush going through her hair with long, smooth strokes, she imagined Ben dutifully waiting for her, seated on the mattress in sleep pants and perhaps shyly admiring her beauty. She would rise, set down the brush and glide over to climb in bed with him before turning out the light. And once cloaked in shadow, she and Ben would embrace and kiss and make love as two spouses should...

Rey shook her head to clear it, the tears back and glistening, setting the brush down too hard so that it clattered on the albino wood. No. She would never feel that domestic happiness... and if she could not with Ben, she vowed, she never would feel such happiness. She would never enter another marriage - not when her first one had been dissolved by the violent, physical cruelty of the words _until death do we part_ before that marriage could even be consummated. Nor would she allow herself to intimately be with any man but him. But Ben.

She'd die a pure virgin, Rey vowed. Kriff, she had died in an outfit as white as winter's snow - a symbol of purity. Perhaps when Rey too died, once again, she would ask that she be buried in that white tunic - the tunic that she considered deep in her heart to be her bridal gown, its matching hood her veil. And, of course, she would be laid to rest with Ben's black clothing cradled in her cold, dead hands.

Tears slipping down her cheeks, Rey turned and crawled into her bed. It was Queen-sized so that a painful half of it lay conspicuously empty; Han must have enlarged the cot after he and Leia got married. Stabbed by the pain that she and Ben would never share a bed, never make this their bed - compounded with the persistent ache in her soul where Ben's presence had once been - Rey broke down, weeping bitterly. Pulling the covers over herself, clutching at her dark nightdress once worn by her fallen husband, and curling into the fetal position, Rey cried herself to sleep. All the while, a haunting song she had once heard on Jakku was her lullaby:

_We could have chosen to ignore what we were feeling... We could have prayed to make the wanting go away. But what we did is that we loved, and love is always better. I could have never known that love like this existed, but then you kissed me, and you left and then I knew. But what is true, is that we loved and love is always better... _

* * *

She could feel the fierce tingle of his lips on hers, the strong and sure warmth of his arms about her... Breaking apart tenderly, her radiant beaming dipped slightly, shyly. Her eyes held the question, only to be answered by Ben's glorious smile.

And then, Rey's smile dipped further, morphing into deep concern, as Ben slowly fell back, her cradling him and watching him fade away in anguished confusion. _No! Fight! Don't give up! Don't give up! It took me so long to find you... we've only just found each other... NO! BEN!_

"BEN!" Rey woke into the conscious world screaming, sitting bolt upright in bed, her body damped in a cold sweat, panting.

The panting of her breath, like the Force itself, anchored her back to reality, the sharp inhale and exhale in perfect time physiologically returning her to normal, if not quite calming her.

Kicking the bedclothes away, Rey quickly sat up to sit crosslegged on the saturated mattress. Closing her eyes, she reached out with the Force. Quickly finding the hole in her soul where Ben had once resided, she batted away the pain of that gaping wound in favor of trying to will that temporary wholeness back, the completeness she had felt at being with Ben again in her dream, at least the first half of it. Her lips slowly formed the words, chanting them out in a whisper:

"Be with me... be with me... be with me..."

Mercifully, the memory appeared in her mind's eye again. Rey could feel within that memory, every sound, sight, smell, touch. The texture of Ben's lips as they pressed back against hers. The feel of his embrace. The sight of his dimples as he beamed once they broke the kiss at last. The brief sound of his laugh that bubbled from that smile. The scent of Ben's hair, and his skin...

By now, Rey's canting plea of "Be with me..." had faded, to be replaced by a dreamy smile as she bathed in the warm water of the past - that one, perfect moment where she and Ben had been together and truly happy.

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! The banging on her bedroom door shook Rey from her revelry. The memory was dislodged and vanished further still at the sound of Poe's voice.

"Rey? You awake?"

Rey's smile faltered, faded. "Y...yeah, yeah, Poe. I'm awake."

She heard him chuckle through the doorway. "Well, good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty. Come on, hurry up! You slept in; it's almost time for your counseling appointment."

Oh. Right. Climbing out of bed, Rey peeled off Ben's clothing reluctantly, despite how sweaty it was. The absence of their warmth chilled her immediately, and not just because the _Falcon_ had poor heating.

Blasting herself with warm water in the fresher, Rey hurriedly dressed in her white Jedi robes. Exiting her rooms, she greeted Poe with a plastered, weak smile. His cocked eyebrow told her that he suspected her cheeriness was fake. It was true. She was fooling no one, as she and the pilot strolled side by side out of the YT class freighter and towards the medical bay.

Rey wished that she knew how to be more discreet. But that first night after Exogol, after losing Ben, she had awoken from her initial nightmare screaming so loudly that she woke half the base. Poe, Finn and Chewie had come running to find Rey thrashing in her bed, sobbing, weeping, utterly distraught. Deeply worried, Poe had all but ordered Rey to go visit Dr. Kalonia for counseling. He had even taken the liberty of signing her up for a first appointment. To appease her friend, Rey had gone in to see the doctor every day for the past six days.

Poe dropped Rey off at the medical bay, right in front of Kalonia's office. Giving her an encouraging kiss on the forehead, and promising to pick her up right after with Finn, the Co-General left.

Kalonia greeted Rey kindly, soothingly, and bid that she have a seat. The Jedi did, and facing the young woman at her desk, Kalonia asked soothingly:

"How are you feeling today?"

It was an important distinction, in its wording: the more generic line of inquiry, "How do you feel?" was considered insensitive towards the grieving person. It was partially Kalonia's sensitivity that had convinced Rey to return day after day, and confide in the woman even more so.

That first session, Rey had naturally been very reluctant to reveal her relationship with Ben. But after Kalonia had assured her that nothing she said could be revealed publicly, per doctor-client privilege, Rey slowly but surely began to open up. She had spoken about the Force Bond that had built from her and Ben's connection on Starkiller Base. She spoke of touching hands in the hut. She spoke of the intimacy in that elevator. She spoke of healing Ben on Kef Bir.

Today, Rey spoke of their Bond growing into the Force Dyad. Of how she died and Ben brought her back to life.

"When I woke up, the first thing I felt was that I was holding his hand. I was laying in his arms. And his eyes were clear and... good. I remember smiling at him and he grinned back. And I couldn't stand it any longer so I kissed him. I felt him kiss me back and hold me so tenderly. Then... he smiled at me! He laughed - he had the most wonderful laugh." Rey sniffled. "We were so happy, and then... he fell back and -" She broke down. "And he died in my arms!" Her sobs were sharp and loud. "I... I couldn't e-even have his... his body! He was gone! Just like that! Faded and gone!"

Kalonia came over, staring at Rey sympathetically, rubbing the poor girl's arm as she wept bitterly.

* * *

Rey could feel both of their eyes on her in the mess hall, directly across the table. She tried not to squirm under their collective gaze. She pushed her fork around her plate, but did not move to stab any of the food.

"So... who eats first? You eat first? We eat first?" Poe tried to prompt.

"Come on, little desert flower. Eat," Finn enticed.

Mostly to appease her friends, she took three quick bites. They had been like this for the past week, trying to get her to eat when all she wanted to do was refuse all nourishment. Pushing her chair back, she stood. "OK. I have to go ready the _Falcon_."

"That's hardly lunch," she heard Poe mumble. She ignored him.

Rey had thought that baring her soul to Kalonia would be cathartic. It wasn't. She thought it would make some of the anguish go away. It didn't.

The counseling sessions had been discontinued after this most recent appointment - an announcement she made to the boys when they had picked her up for lunch. Naturally, Poe was furious. But Rey felt like there was something calling her out and away from the jungle world. To a desert planet called Tatooine... There was one more thing she needed to do.

Going around the ship, she began packing up her meager possessions, readying the freighter for a pre-flight check. Poe and Finn followed her around, pleading, and only moving to help when she directly placed something in their arms.

"At least tell us when you'll be back!" Finn cried.

She flippantly shrugged. "I don't know."

"That's not an answer," Poe growled, his displeasure with her radiating. "So, what will you be doing?"

"That's personal," Rey quipped.

Poe threw up his hands, dropping a crate nearly on his foot in the process. "Talk to her!" he demanded of Finn. "Stop her!"

"Neither of you can stop me, so don't even try," Rey informed them bluntly. "I have to do this."

"You mean wander off into wild space somewhere and die," Poe guessed bluntly. She didn't answer him, which probably wasn't the smart thing to do, for it only worked him up into a rant. "I refuse to watch my friend wander off into the galaxy to slowly wither away because of... heartbroken grief!"

"I'm not going to commit suicide, Poe," Rey snarled. "I'm going out there to find some peace!"

Poe glanced to Finn desperately, but the ex-Stormtrooper had eyes only for Rey. The Jedi glanced around, waving to the ground crew who were finishing the flight check of the _Falcon_. "I think that's everything." Turning back to Finn and seeing how he appeared so crestfallen, she softly cupped his cheek.

"We'll see each other again. I believe that."

Quietly, Rey and Finn hugged for a long moment. It reminded her of the joy she had felt holding him when they had reunited on Crait. Breaking away, she turned to the pilot.

"Poe?"

It took him a minute to look her in the face. "Take BB-8," he grunted. "I insist. That way, you'll have to come back, cause, you know... I need him."

She smiled softly. And even though she and Poe had never gotten along the best, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

Boarding the ship, and gunning up the thrusters, Rey waved goodbye through the viewfinder before taking off into the midday sun.

* * *

She had buried the Skywalker lightsabers in the desert, and was now glancing out towards the setting twin Tatooine suns. All at once, she thought she heard a voice call out her name, on the breeze.

Turning around, staring against the glare of the sunset, her eyes widened.

And then, little by little, for the first time in what seemed like ages, Rey smiled.


	2. Chapter 2: Your Uncles Are Here

**Chapter 2: Your Uncles Are Here**

They should never have taken Rey at her word, Poe allowed himself to mentally kick both his and Finn's shins. They should never have allowed her to fly off of Ajan Kloss. Not even the tactical maneuver of placing BB8 in her care had guaranteed that she would come back the way he thought it would. He thought he had been so clever. Ha! Now, Poe just felt duped.

It had been five years since the Battle of Exogol... and in that time, neither Poe nor Finn had heard from their Jedi friend.

After those first several months of waiting, Poe had grudgingly confirmed his worst fear. That she had wandered off to die slowly from heartbreak. But Finn disagreed, insisting that Rey was alive, for he felt her in the Force. Of course, Finn could feel her in the Force, he just couldn't feel where she was. Her signature was like a homing beacon that would point them in one trail before fading out and leaving one hopelessly lost.

Poe and Finn had turned their attention to helping build up the New Federation, the galaxy's latest democratic government. Every so often, on breaks from their work, they would talk about Rey, wonder what she was doing, and again, Finn would reach out with the Force. The ex-Stormtrooper wallowed more in the loss of their friend than Poe did, and vowed that someday, when they found the time, they would go in search of their friend.

For right now, however, Poe was following a lead he had received from New Federation high command, to seek out a potential delegate in the Tatoo system, on Tatooine. Kitser Banai was well into his 80s, but a respected major domo in the city of Mos Eisley. He apparently lived in a mansion on the outskirts of the desert metropolis. Poe's mission was to find him, and convince him to come to Coruscant for a summit.

The General found Mos Eisley easy enough. After asking around, he eventually found a reliable source that told him the Banai estate was out closer to the Jundland Wastes. "It's just beyond the old Skywalker homestead."

_Skywalker_? Poe's thoughts tingled, intrigued. Luke? Perhaps he would stop there, for a little sight-seeing on his way. He knew the famed Jedi Master had grown up in this place, but had never seen his boyhood home.

Renting a speeder, Poe sped out into the desert wasteland. Beyond the city, there quickly grew an absence of structures and civilization for miles around.

Until, deep in the dunes and plains, Poe saw a domed hut rising up in the distance. A moisture farm... common around these parts...

PING! PING! Suddenly, Poe's speeder took heavy fire from the left side. Taken completely by surprise, Poe swerved and took evasive action. But he turned the wheel too hard, too erratically, and the whole hopper crashed, sending him sprawling into the sand.

ERRRRR! ER, ER, ERRRRR! The roar of Tusken Raiders grated Poe's ears. One stabbed down at him with a spear and Poe rolled away. Grabbing for his comlink, Poe made contact with Finn, hovering in his X-Wing above the planet's atmosphere. "Finn! Finn! I'm under attack! I repeat: I'm under..."

The Tuskens abruptly halted their assault, running away as a hooded figure in a grey cloak appeared on a sand speeder. The stranger chased the Tuskens away with several well-placed shots from a blaster.

Poe staggered to his feet. "Gee, thanks, partner."

The grey figure looked at him, though Poe could not see a face under the hood. Then, the figure let out a feral growl and lunged for Poe.

"Whoa, whoa, easy!" Poe tried to dance out of the way, as he couldn't get to his weapon, while the stranger beat at him with her hands and feet.

"Go away!" the stranger screamed, and the voice sounded distinctly feminine. And also... familiar...

She quickly kicked Poe's ass, throwing him down into the sand. All at once, a staff appeared in her hands, followed by the hum of a blade as a golden lightsaber appeared inches from Poe's throat.

Poe stared. There was only one person he knew who could wield a Jedi weapon's... who could fight like that.

"Rey, STOP!... It's me."

The gray figure froze for a critical parsec, staring down at him. Slowly, Poe removed the helmet he had been wearing, so she could see his face. Another beat, and then the grey hood was thrown back.

Rey had aged somewhat, having become more woman than girl in face. The distrust in her eyes was beginning to fade into something more like disbelief.

"Poe?"

Poe smiled shakily. "Hey, kid. It's been too long."

By degrees, Rey smiled, and helped the pilot to his feet. "Oh, Poe!" They embraced, hugging tightly.

All at once, the whine of another speeder came into being. A figure in a black cloak leapt off the vehicle while it was still in motion, igniting a green lightsaber and landing in a crouch beside them. "Leave this desert - NOW!" The growl was distinctively male.

Rey stepped away from the hug, raising her hands placatingly. "Ben, honey, it's OK..."

"Oh, is this your husband?" Poe brightened. "I'd love to meet him! Hey, buddy - ya wanna take off that hood for me?"

"Hey, buddy - ya wanna let me carve up your face?" Ben snarled.

"POE!" The voice bellowed over the hum of a small dust storm as Finn's X-Wing landed. "Poe, are you OK? I felt her! I think I felt..." Seeing his best friend for the first time in five years, Finn's eyes widened. "It _is_ you!" he cackled, hugging her. The black figure stiffened at this.

"Where have you _been_?" Finn was prattling. "Why didn't you come back to us?"

Rey was beaming, and about to reply, when the black figure growled. "Rey! Damnit, honey, can't we just kill them and make it look like an accident?" He threw back his hood in discomfort, revealing his face.

Seeing him, Poe and Finn froze, mouths agape. Between them, Rey winced. For a long time, there was silence. Then Finn rounded on Rey.

"You... you LIED to me!" he screamed. "You told me when you first came home from Exogol that Kylo Ren was dead!"

"Kylo Ren _is_ dead!" Rey insisted.

"Doesn't look like it to me," Poe grumbled, eyeing Ben with deep mistrust.

"What I told you was true... from a certain point of view."

"A certain point of view?" Finn squeaked, throwing up his hands. "Is this just more Jedi speak?"

"No, just my interpretation of the facts. Kylo Ren is gone. This is Ben Solo... my husband." And Rey gazed at Ben with such absolute love in her eyes that Poe and Finn squirmed uncomfortably.

After another prolonged silence, Poe managed to get out. "Is this where you came, when you left us?"

Rey nodded. Turning away, she began to walk back towards her speeder, point it in the direction of the distant homestead.

"Come on. We can talk inside. I'll have to start at that beginning..."

* * *

"... when Ben's body faded away, I thought he was truly gone, at first. That's why, for that first week on Ajan Kloss, I was so distraught. But then I came to Tatooine to bury Luke and Leia's lightsabers, and... I heard this voice calling to me. And there he was." Rey and Ben gazed at each other lovingly.

Across the dinner booth from them, Poe and Finn took in Rey as she finished her tale silently. She had told them everything: from Takodana to reuniting with Ben here under the twin suns.

"So, who talks first? I talk first? You talk first? He talks first?" Poe began pointing between himself, Ben and Finn.

Finn decided to take the initiative. "So... you're married?"

"By the Force itself, yes," Rey sighed almost dreamily.

"And so... what have you guys been doing these past five years?"

Rey was silent for a moment. Then she stood up and held out her hands to Finn. "Come with me," she bubbled, beaming. Taking his hands in hers, she guided Finn into another room beyond the kitchen; Poe followed at a leisurely pace.

Rey opened the door just a crack into a darkened room. Over the windows, the curtains were drawn, allowing very little of the evening sunlight to stream in. Within this dim dappling of light, three tiny forms dozed and dreamed in three little beds.

Finn stared. "You're a mama, Rey..."

Rey beamed adoringly. "Yup. I'm a mama."

Peeking over their shoulders, Poe stared in amazement. "Had them one right after the other, then? Year or two apart?"

Rey's eyes shone, and she laughed. "More like a minute or two apart."

Poe nearly fell over. "They're triplets?!"

Rey nodded with pride. "They'll be four in the spring. I carried them inside me for nine months. Gave birth in the middle of a dust storm. We lost most of the harvest, but I told Ben not to worry..."

Finn tried to imagine Rey lying on a bed in this little sandy hut, bringing three babies into the world. He could only imagine the labor, the undoubtedly agonizing pain. Peering into Rey's mind, a memory indeed surfaced: of Rey lying in Ben's arms, crying and weeping and screaming as she gave birth to her children. Having heard about Rey and Poe's skirmish, Finn now understood that Rey had been fighting like a loth cat, trying to protect her babies.

"That night you gave birth... I wish I'd been there with you," Finn expressed.

Rey stared at him for a long moment. Finally, she got out slowly, "You were."

Turning back to her babies, Rey glided into the nursery. Bending over each one, she shook them awake from their afternoon nap.

"Ani... Beru... Shmi... wake up, my lovelies. Suppertime."

Two girls and a boy roused from their beds.

"Mama?" the little boy chirped. "Where's Daddy?"

"In the kitchen, Anakin," she crooned. "But Mama has a surprise for you. Your uncles are here."

The three little ones, bleary-eyed, turned to see the two men standing in the doorway. One of the girls - sporting Ben's black hair and Rey's green eyes - grinned widely.

"Uncle Poe! Uncle Finn!" Sprinting forward, she hugged Finn around the knees. Rey laughed.

"Careful, Shmi!"

"Mama's told us stories about you! Are you staying for a visit?"

Finn glanced over the little girl's head at Rey. "Can we stay?"

Rey smiled. "Of course you can. Come, all. Suppertime."

The band of children and adults staggered back into the kitchen, Beru, Shmi and Anakin all talking at once.

"Daddy! Daddy! It's Uncle Poe and Uncle Finny!" Beru was practically dancing as Ben tickled her, hoisting her onto his lap.

"Well, isn't that something?" he murmured playfully.

Watching the sight, Poe sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well, if he gets that way, with the kids... it's gonna be really hard to stay mad at him."

"And if he really loves you, and you're really happy... it's gonna be even _harder_ to stay mad at him," Finn admitted to Rey.

Rey hugged both Poe and Finn, and beamed, giddy that the two parts of her family were reunited. "I love you, Poe. I love you, Finny."


End file.
